so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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