The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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