i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Everything about him screamed your future.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
