Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
