I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
