you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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