Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
