Plan B is the new Plan A
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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