There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
