Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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