sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
