so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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