I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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