Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
