ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
