oh god the rape fog is back!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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