I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
