I'm pants shitting drunk right now
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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