Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
