after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
