Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
