tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
