She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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