Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
