my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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