the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
