Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize