don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
