I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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