playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You are a genius and a whore.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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