i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
