OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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