another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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