Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I believe in your delicious
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
