How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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