Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
