i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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