remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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