did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
