my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
