is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
