who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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