a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
