billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want to make out with him forever
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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