The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Boobs speak an international language.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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