I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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