Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
