some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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