Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
