I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
