you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
