hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
