I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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