i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
