Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
