I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize