Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
