final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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