he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
