Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
