he thought i was a dude.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
