well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
