I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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