my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
