my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
