I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
