based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
