i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
