Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
