allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
