grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
