But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
