i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
